(When my adult children sometimes take days to answer my texts, it’s helpful to remember what it was like before they had cell phones – heck, before I had a cell phone – and I couldn’t stop them talking to me. Here: another trip in the time machine back to 2002.)
Parenting can be such a negative experience. The words “no”, “don’t”, “stop it”, “quit that” and “never” become indispensable to a parents’ repertoire as soon as a child discovers that they are independent beings with the capacity to jump on couches, bite hands and other appendages that don’t belong to them, spill their food all over the new carpet, careen through the house at the speed of light, slam doors with explosive force and test the sound barrier with that weapon of weapons, their voice. It’s usually the voice that gets them in the most trouble. All the other acts can be attributed to normal childhood behavior, no matter how nerve wracking it is. But the power of speech can singularly drive a parent up the proverbial wall.
Take for instance the average trip to the grocery store. Thirty minutes, fourteen aisles and the whole experience should be a piece of cake for the seasoned parent of a child old enough to talk. However, each shopping trip provides at least 1543 opportunities for your child to ask for something. (This statistic must be multiplied accordingly by the number of children you are blessed to have along on grocery day.) Correspondingly, there are an equal number of times that a parent can practice the most repeated word in their vocabulary. As the child moves from item to item, the parent is subjected to a well-known interrogation technique: ask enough times and you will break down all defenses. Even with strategic moves on the part of the parent to avoid high-density candy and toy areas, children have an innate tendency to ask if they can have everything from dog food to Tylenol to oranges. The unsuspecting parent will automatically respond “no!” to every request even if it is healthy, on sale and on the shopping list. But after resolving to yourself not to give in to any of the child’s queries along with the ultimatum that you will not buy anything they ask for, you find yourself between the rock and hard place of giving in or leaving the store without half the items you came for.
Current parenting lore will encourage you to: a) ponder the question before the “no” reflex occurs, and b) think of ways to respond to your children in a positive manner. Considering the question first may result with a happier dog, a migraine-free mom and a chance for the family to ward off scurvy. Positive responses can be worded like, “Of course you can pierce your belly button over my dead body,” or “My, your leaping-off-the-couch-distance has improved since last week.”
Such strategies can be a real help to all parents. At any rate, you’ll have plenty of Tylenol in case you do break down. And at least the dog will be happy.