About Reading and Smart-ness

A hallmark of the home that I grew up in was the Edmonton Journal. And to me the best part of the Edmonton Journal was the Sunday color comic pages.

The only “stories” I can recollect my mother reading aloud to me were those short vignettes in the funny papers. Every Sunday, it was our ritual: mom and I would lie side by side on her bed and she would read the comics to me. Even when I learned how to read for myself, I insisted that she keep doing this except then we would take turns voicing the different characters. Like a backwards bedtime story, when she was done, Mom went to sleep. It was the only nap that she let herself take all week.

And so, my reading career began with the comics. Short, sweet (well, not always), clever, enigmatic – and with pictures! – the Sunday comics were my high literature at the time. They paved the way for a love of comics that remains true, even though I don’t read many now. Peanuts, Hi & Lois, Blondie, B. C., The Wizard of Id, Tumbleweeds, Beetle Bailey, Funky Winkerbean and Hager the Horrible were the friends that populated my early years, along with Cookie Monster, Mr. Dressup and the Friendly Giant.

Perhaps comics just fit my style, my reading style. I like finishing things: the last cracker in the box, the last of the shampoo in the bottle, the end of a pot of coffee. Finishing things clears room for what’s new. Which is another thing I like. Starting things. Comics are short, started and finished in one sitting.

Much of my reading is like that. Not that I have to finish a book in one sitting, but I like to clearly see the gratification of the end. But because I think it’s healthy to challenge my own preferred parameters, I recently slogged my way through Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth, basically skim-reading the last 300 pages. At 950-pages plus, it is a Moby Dick of a book. And all I can think is that I could have read three normal-sized books instead. “Finished three” is better in my economy than “finished one”, even if by page count it’s the same thing. Three stories will always trump one. Ask any self-respecting toddler who begs for “just one more story” to put off the dreaded task of going to sleep.

I worry, sometimes, that this is a failure of mine, that I lack intellectual fortitude. I don’t like tackling the long and hard books. Most Pulitzer or Booker prize winners either baffle me or bore me to tears. I prefer Newbery winners, books written for middle-grade kids and “YA” – young adults, and even Caldecott winners, the best and the brightest of the picture books.

But make no mistake: just because these books are written “for children” doesn’t make their creators any less talented or intelligent than those “other” book winners. Hanging out in the children’s book world on the interweb has confirmed that the authors and illustrators of children’s books are masters in distillation of words and expression of images, and every bit as prolific.

Is it about “smart-ness” – that I don’t like much literary fiction or books written in an Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close manner? It hurts my head just to try and figure out some of those books. Yes, it’s art, and yes, there’s room for All The Art. But there’s also room for All The Readers.

I don’t think that my early love affair with comics set me up for this. Rather, I think I was lucky to be introduced at a young age into the genres of literature that I love. Comics, picture books, kids lit: there’s just as many of those on my Read and To-Be-Read lists as good adult books I have loved.

Well, maybe a little more. Maybe I’m just not that “smart”. Or maybe I’m just not that “old”.

About Reading

Hello, my name is Bonnie and I am a Reader.

Not just a reader. I am a capital ‘R’ Reader. A Nerdy-Nerd Reader.

It is with reluctance that I admit that I prefer reading to, umm, pretty much anything. Right beside all the pairs of reading glasses that I referred to in my last blog post, you will probably find a book: on my desk, in my purse, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on my bedside table and in the car. While waiting in line at Costco (buying more reading glasses, hello?), I will pull out my purse-book and read. In fact, in the middle of a particularly good book, I will pick the long lineup.

My reluctance at admitting this is because, well… people. People don’t like to hear that they’re not as exciting to hang out with as the latest Cormoran Strike (and Robin!) installment from Kenneth Galbraith (a.k.a. J. K. Rowling). Or whatever Anne Lamott, A. J. Jacobs or Liane Moriarty has cooked up lately. Or whatever C. S. Lewis, A. A. Milne or Agatha Christie cooked up a long time ago.

An exception might extend to hanging out with other people who supposedly love books, but that doesn’t always go well (as you can find out here.)

Given this preamble, you might think that I was a reading prodigy – someone who first read at the ripe old age of maybe…four. But no, you would be wrong.

Although I grew up in a Reading Family, I was slow to the uptake. I can remember my eleven-year-old sister lording it over five-year-old me that I did not know how to read yet. And me, baffled that I had been denied the keys to the Reading Kingdom. After all I had been a dedicated fan of Sesame Street: it was a large part of my pre-school education.

Here’s a painful memory: in Grade One, our class was separated into two reading groups. If you were ahead of the curve, you joined the Bunny circle. If you weren’t, you were relegated to the Brownies.

Three things bothered me about this.

First: Bunnies were my favorite. I mean, seriously, my name? Bonnie? Pretty close. I had a bunny collection. I was quiet and nervous. I felt denied from something that I truly related to.

Second: What sort of sense did Brownies and Bunnies make, except starting with the same letter? I could have more easily accepted Brownies and Greenies. Or Bunnies and Turtles. But maybe that’s just me.

Lastly, my own favorite Auntie Evelyn was a substitute teacher at the time. So, there was a first-hand family witness to my Brownie-ness.

I don’t remember if I had an aha! moment – like when it all clicked for me. But eventually I could read and our class became One Big Happy Reading Circle. By Grade Two I was a Confident Reader and loved to be called on to read aloud in class. Until that one day after the day I had stayed home sick when the whole class learned about Silent Letters. (Silent Letters are jerks.) How was I supposed to know it wasn’t an IZLAND? IS? LAND? I can’t even.

You can be sure I never forgot that lesson. In fact, I have now become a Corrector. As in, umm, you’re pronouncing it wrong. Okay, maybe I just say it to you in my head. Unless you’re my husband. (Sorry, Rick.)

Given, these early episodes of Reading Trauma, you might guess I was ready to throw in the Proverbial Reading Towel. Except that trauma aside, there were Reading Mysteries that were unveiled that were just way too interesting to me. And not just the literal mysteries of Nancy Drew or Trixie Belden or Encyclopedia Brown. Reading held the key to learning about Ancient Greece (a favorite era), New York City (where it seemed all Scholastic books were set) and Lions and Scarecrows and Wizards of Oz.

And so books continue to intrigue, inform and entertain me. My bunny collection might be long gone. But my book collection is going strong.

About Limitations: Getting Older Doesn’t Have to Suck

In Rick’s family they tell a very endearing story about his grandparents. His gramma, no doubt spurred on by a story of someone losing their sight, decided that in the event she should become blind, she should probably practice. Just, you know, in case.

The dead of night, with all its present darkness, provided such a reminder to Gramma as she woke up and needed to use the bathroom. She got out of bed and, keeping her eyes closed against any intruding glow, she shuffled her way to the bathroom. Unfortunately for Gramma, she never noticed Grampa was already on the toilet, until she shuffled right into him.

I’m not sure how much she “practiced” after that.

One good thing about practicing for bad things is that you sometimes get prepared for things you didn’t expect. (Let’s just say that Grampa not alerting Gramma to the fact that he was already there did nothing to alleviate her ensuing fright.)

No one should like to imagine worst-case scenarios – unless you make your living as a life-insurance risk analyst. And some people do just fine floating along in their everything-is-awesome! bubble. But sometimes it can help us realistically to look ahead to the future and say, not just What if? but When…

As in: When I get older, I’m gonna be okay with it.

I’m gonna be okay when my skin on the back of my hand doesn’t bounce back but instead stays like that when I pinch it. In fact, I might find it amusing.

I’m gonna be okay in the gym with walking on the treadmill instead of running. After all, my target heart rate is going down as I get older, so I’m just being responsible.

I’m gonna be okay when I am so tired at 9 o’clock at night that I want to cry but then wake up two hours later and am WIDE awake. And I’ll even be okay when I finally feel sleepy again but then have to go to the bathroom. STAT.

I’m gonna be okay when my kids want to show me something on their phone and first say, “Hey, Mom, get your glasses.” Of course, I have a pair on my desk, in my purse, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on my bedside table, in the car. . . and I keep buying them in bulk at Costco.

I’m gonna be okay when “young people” look at me aghast when I reminisce about phones being attached to walls; about sneaking in to work early to use the photocopier for personal reasons; about writing cheques to pay the rent; about how circus performers, carnies and ex-cons were the only people you ever saw with a tattoo; about getting up to change the channel (there were only two) on the television; about how people used to be able to smoke in restaurants; and about not being able to instantly Google who was the actor that played Steve Urkel. (It was Jaleel White.)

I’m gonna be okay when I know NONE of the nominees for the Oscars by name. (Unless they’re from “my generation”.) In fact, I’m Not. Even. Gonna. Care. And if I do, that’s what Google is for. After all, Einstein didn’t even bother to remember his own phone number because he knew he could look it up.

I’m gonna be okay when I have to have bunion surgery. Twice. Because hey, who’s gonna complain about a two-week stay-cation on the couch? I don’t have to get up to change the channel anymore, remember?

The thing about Gramma was that she wasn’t being morose – she was one of the most optimistic people I ever met. Her middle-of-the-night-blindness-practice was kinda kooky, but it was her way of proving to herself that, come-what-may, she was gonna be okay.

And anyways, if you’re awake in the middle of the night, it is something to do.

About Pain and Limitations

I hurt my wrist last week.

With Remembrance Day falling on a Monday this year, my usual exercise class was cancelled that day. My trainer texted me that evening and offered me a make-up spot in her Tuesday morning class. Since I regularly go Monday, Wednesday and Friday, this meant I would do strength training two days in a row. Which usually spells trouble for this body.

As tough as I like to think I am, there’s nothing like Heather’s Boot Camp to show me: Oh, I’m NOT.

I mean, I do okay but I’m nothing like the poetry-in-motion that Heather is when demonstrating a new move. Performing her routines run the gamut for me from: I feel awesome! I’m knocking it out of the park! to What fresh hell is this? My execution can be more like a limerick than a sonnet on the poetry scale.

Any time I make the mistake of agreeing to two of her hard workouts in a row, I wind up in just a little more pain than I bargained for. I’m not talking about general exercise soreness – I’ve been at this long enough to have moved past that. It’s more like me standing at the foot of the stairs wondering how to convince my knees to bend again.

Except this time, it’s my wrist. My right wrist. Operator of all happy things like pens and can-openers and hairbrushes. It never before occurred to me how important the wrist is to the fine-motor skills needed in pinching and grasping. Administering my daily morning eyedrops? Nearly impossible with my right hand. Lifting my coffee cup to my lips? Excruciating. (I’m not talking about physical pain: I nearly spilled my coffee!)

And may I go out on a TMI-limb here and mention how important a strong wrist is in the act of wielding toilet paper? Yeah, it’s a thing.

Lucky for me, the state of my wrist is not affecting my ability to poke at a keyboard. But it does send me down that rabbit hole of thinking: What if I couldn’t write anymore, via pen or pencil or laptop?

This very painful scenario was demonstrated to me the week before in my writer’s group. That evening we pulled individual prompts from an envelope, which we would have twenty minutes to write about and then read aloud for the group. One of our older members gave an exasperated sigh when she drew: Write about something you can’t do anymore.

Sitting across from her, I noticed that as the rest of the group was scribbling away nonstop, she was writing very little, and nothing that looked like full sentences. When it was her turn to reveal her prompt, it was suddenly clear why: old age had caught up to her and what she couldn’t do anymore was hold a pen and write. We gave a collective groan, understanding that the act of holding a pen and scribbling was an integral part of feeling like a writer.

But.

Does not being able to hold a pen change the fact that she still is a writer? No, it does not. She admitted that she can still use a keyboard. But neither implement is necessary to write. A person could “write” by dictation or by videorecording if conventional options weren’t available.

I have struggled with calling myself a writer, especially for the years when I was writing very little and mostly for myself. But I’m slowly embracing that label as I have come to understand writing as part of my identity and not necessarily what I do.

That being said, while I am able, sore wrist and all, I need to act on that identity and write. Even if no one reads it. Even if it hurts. Even if it’s just a blog. It’s all writing and it all counts.

About My Little Boys

My sweet boys: Tim, Simon and Gil circa 2000 – sorry about those L. A. Kings pjs, Tim 🙁

[Welcome to Throwback Thursday here on the blog. In honor of my last post where I talked about the newspaper column I used to write (and also in honor of weeks that disappear due to our fiscal year-end), I am gifting you, dear reader, with a re-print of one of those old columns. Disclaimer: some of the opinions and word choices of 2001-Bonnie are not those of 2019-Bonnie.]

Led by my oldest son, the three little men in my house have suddenly developed a fascination with the female gender. At three, five and seven, they aren’t exactly ready to date, but the five-year-old has been proposed to, and has accepted.

What appears to be so interesting to them is the idea that girls are not only different physically, but in other ways as well. Besides the body parts that require special equipment (eventually), there is also a sense of wonder at why girls generally don’t like to wrestle like they do and why they prefer Barbies to Batman. They giggle madly when we pass by the ladies undergarments in clothing stores and they struggle with the reason why they can’t be in the room when Mom says she’s getting dressed. Curiosity sometimes does get the better of them. A little while ago, Timmy (the engaged one) did walk in on me. Noticing my interesting underwear, he turned on his heel and ran to his brother yelling, “Gil, come see Mom’s funny t-shirt!”  

As the lone female in my little family, I realize that I am their ambassador to the female world, a commission that I hope I can represent well. When Simon was born, I was not disappointed at all with having three sons. I certainly had enough people reassuring me that I would be the princess of the family.  So far my boys have only made me feel like Xena the Warrior Princess as they beg me to make them cardboard swords while I threaten them with great doom if they go careening through my royal kitchen one more time.

There are certainly times when I struggle to explain the differences. As three sets of eyes watch me apply my makeup in the mirror and they question my motives, it’s hard to conceal my girlish vanity. It’s a lot easier when daddy’s around since all he has to say is “Because!” and they know that’s his final answer.

What I hope we convey to the boys in daily life is that boys and girls are not so different in how we should treat each other. Just because Mom is a better whiner, doesn’t mean Dad should let her get away with it. And just because Dad has better excuses, doesn’t mean he can’t wash the dishes. 

Until then, my oldest son has it all figured out. Just yesterday he told me, “Mom, girls can do anything that boys can do except one thing…wear swimming trunks!”

About a Million Years Ago

Bill Watterson’s incorrigible Calvin

About a million years ago (okay, it was around twenty – yikes), I wrote a weekly column for our local newspaper. You know, back when people read the local newspaper.

It was a fun little column called Home Front and the essays centered on my life as a mom of three little boys who not only chose to stay at home with them full time but who also morphed into a homeschooler. Of three healthy (read: energetic) little boys that I birthed within four years. Oy.

They weren’t jump-off-the-roof-thinking-they-could-fly little boys. (Although one of them was a draw-on-the-side-of-the-minivan-with-a-rock boy.) But they were constantly hungry and curious and silly and infuriating and they gave me plenty of fodder for my column. Oh sure, I wrote about a few other things but really, it was mostly about them.

After about 5 years, I gave it up. And I sort of gave up writing. Well, public writing anyways.

As much as I wanted to be a writer, it just kept getting overshadowed by everything else: children, homeschooling, our business and, not the least reason, my lack of self-confidence. Instead I descended into my journals and only came up for air once in awhile to submit a re-worked piece somewhere or to write a play for the kids at my church to perform at Easter or Christmas.

Stephen Pressfield, Jeff Goins and countless others of my close, personal writing gurus would all tell me (via their various books on creativity and writing, whose advice I paid cash money for) that, published or not, I AM A WRITER. It’s not negotiable.

And somehow, it’s not. My brain thinks in Times New Roman and in blank pages being filled up. I get excited (no, not that kind of excited) fondling the keys on my laptop. I think about how I would write about some everyday scene I witness on the street and I see the people in my life as characters, not just…well, people. (Sorry, people.) I write all the time, but in an undisciplined, illegible handwriting, only-in-my-head kind of way.

In the last couple of years, the desire to write outside of my head again has been irrepressible. Sort of in an REO Speedwagon I Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore kind of way. (Or, for those of you who didn’t live the 80s, in a Justin Timberlake Can’t Stop the Feeling kind of way.)

One of the things I have to reckon with is that it’s okay to put it out there. I’m a 52-year-old woman who doesn’t have small children to hide behind anymore – they’re all very big and while I could actually hide behind them, they’ve all moved out. But I still have things to write about. Even if I never had kids, I would have things to write about.

I spent a couple of years a bit unmoored when the empty nest hit me. Lucky for us, my husband and I enjoyed the re-coupling phase when we became Rick & Bonnie again, not just Gil, Tim and Simon’s mom and dad. Because that happens for awhile, or for always, if you let it. But I also had to figure out who Just Bonnie was – aside from Rick and aside from the boys. And like an earwig of song you haven’t heard in forever that reverberates in your head ad nauseum (I’m talking to you Coward of the County), the thing that won’t let go is: I AM A WRITER.

Well, I argue with myself nonsensically, isn’t everybody? Noooooo…apparently not, says Jeff and Steven and others afflicted with this disease. Not everyone is born with this insane desire to spill the contents of their brain, their heart, their guts out for public consumption. Just like everyone is not a reader (gasp!) or a nature lover or a photographer or a lawyer or a plumber or a philatelist (whatever…look it up).

I am surprising myself with this little blog – this will be week 10 for me. I have not figured out everything yet, but I am seeing the beginning of a body of work again, like that pile of newspaper columns I saved from a million years ago.

It’s kind of my blog snowball. When one snowball gets too heavy, here’s hoping I’ll remember to just start another one. And then another one after that.

About the Time I Went Ziplining and Almost Didn’t Make it (Across)

How cute are we? All of us over 50 and zip-lining for the first time!

Last summer, when visiting with our friends Dave and Lynn at their cabin in Invermere, Rick and I were propositioned with the opportunity to go try a zipline for the first time.

“I was thinking we could…” Any sentence that starts like that from our friend Lynn is a guarantee that she has “plans” – and we have learned to be game and to follow her lead.

On the drive over to Valley Zipline Adventures where we would be hanging our lives out to dry over a mountain gorge, I made the mistake of bringing up the classic early-90s-mountain-climbing-Sly-Stallone movie Cliffhanger. I like to do fun things like that. It’s how I roll. (Can anyone say foreshadowing?)

Specifically, I was referring to the opening scene when (oops, spoiler alert!) someone doesn’t quite make it.

Actually, she plummets to her death.

Some might attribute it to nervous energy. I mean, I was all-in, good-to-go BUT: riding on a zipline does require a modicum of trust. However, I don’t really get scared unless I sense imminent bodily harm. (Like the last time I went skiing and the black runs were very icy and I cried all the way down the mountain. Twice. But that’s another story.)

No, I think it has to do more with agency. If I’m the one driving the bus, so to speak, or propelling myself down a mountain, per se, then my life is in my hands. If I suddenly feel I have no control, then I become a basket case. (Well, maybe another example would be if my husband was driving the bus. Can anyone say back-seat driver?)

But in the case of the zipline, it was no different to me than getting into the seat of a roller coaster at Disneyland and getting strapped in for the ride, which I will happily, gleefully do. (Again and again, please.) I completely trust Mr. Disney’s engineers and safety-checkers. They like taking my money, so they’re not gonna kill me. It’s not good for repeat business.

Maybe it was because my friend Lynn and I were enjoying a chat. Maybe I just think that if Rick listens to the instructions, I will also automatically know what to do. Maybe it was that our trial mini-runs suspended 6 feet above the ground were easy-peasy. “I got this,” I thought to myself.

It’s a bit nerve-wracking, standing on the edge of a very high platform, to will yourself to jump off it, even though I was, so to speak, strapped in for the ride. But that was the only way for the ride to start so, leaving Rick behind, I followed after Dave and then Lynn, not wanting to be dead last. (Did I really just say dead?)

Heights don’t bother me. In fact, they exhilarate me. As I was skimming along the cable for the first time, I made sure to look down and really enjoy the experience. But then the next platform that I was headed for came in close and I heard, “Grab the rope, Bon!”

Rope? What rope?

Needless to say, dear reader, you can guess what happened next. That’s right: gravity. Not gravity downwards, but backwards along the cable. I had missed catching the rope that would secure my landing and my friends watched me now move away from them, going slower and slower, until I stopped somewhere in between where I left and where I was going.

Thankfully, our guide, who was standing waiting with Dave and Lynn, called out helpfully, “This is good! Now you can all see how we rescue someone!”

It’s NEVER been my life’s ambition to be a cautionary tale for anyone. But the fact was, I was stuck until my cheerful guide came sliding back along the cable to begin the arm-over-arm task of hauling me to the safety of the next platform. Which took a little bit of time.

Hanging from a cable several hundred feet above the ground inspires several thought processes: admiration for the quality craftsmanship of the German-made straps and carabiners that were holding me up; humility for my life held literally in suspension; and wonder at what the hell I was thinking when I didn’t listen to the directions for landing my first zip.

One of the best things about getting older is that I have learned to stop taking myself so seriously. There was a time that I would have been humiliated at having missed the rope, at having to be rescued. I might have cried. I still hate to put anyone out, but the fact was, I had paid for this adventure and part of that included being taken care of by my guide. Even if I didn’t listen to him.

I used to let things like this hold me back – the idea that i would look stupid (Look at me! I’m the only one who screwed up!) or unattractive (Does this harness make me look fat?) or incompetent (She can’t even catch a bloody rope!) But one thing life has taught me is that, for the most part, everyone else is too concerned with themselves to really care what I’m doing.

Put another way, it’s just not that big a deal. Sure, everyone had to wait for me. But then, I guess I dragged out the experience so we got more value for our money, right? I was with Rick and my friends, who love me, and were more concerned for me than disgruntled. Which is actually a good strategy for adventure: try to travel with people you love and who love you – they’re more gracious when stuff goes: Oh no.

And, let’s face it, making stupid mistakes is a surefire way to at least remind you not to do THAT again. I landed all of my subsequent jumps brilliantly. You could say that I was an excellent student. Well, you could, except for that first time, when I almost didn’t make it across.

But then, it really wouldn’t have made a very good story.

About Axe-Throwing and Bucket Lists

Bucket List # 826: Learn how to throw an axe.

I have a friend who recently spent a year fighting breast cancer. The hits kept on coming after that with a knee surgery and that awful-cancer-chemo-fatigue that wanes only ever so slowly. But even so, she kept on going, showing up to our Tuesday night meet-ups; resuming her Aquacise classes and other out-of-the-home activities; and as much as she could, keeping up with her duties as the female half of their dynamic family farming operation. Tired-ness just makes me wanna crawl into bed, y’know? But not Mavis. She knew when to call it quits but she also seemed to know when to push it just a little.

A friend of hers had also recently gone through her own health scare. so she thought it seemed fitting to put it behind her with a bucket list of sorts, a “50 at 50”, the number she had just turned. Mavis (age withheld to preserve friendship) created her own list. The criteria: all items had to be brand-new-activities or milestones not yet touched and all were to be attempted in the year 2018. We Tuesday evening friends found out about it one night as we chatted about what was coming up in our respective weeks.

“Well, tomorrow, I’m going axe-throwing,” Mavis reported.

Oh, yeah, sure, and I’m going pillaging on Friday.  

But, it turns out that axe-throwing is a thing. And not just on some Survivoresque reality show. As I googled a local website, I discovered that the venue also hosts archery games. Ohhhhhhh…now I get it. It’s all about the target and the challenge and maybe just a little bit about the competition.

Anyhoo, it was something new for Mavis. And after all, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Except I was hoping no one would lose an eye or an arm. (Because that’s not what you should pay for. Just sayin’.)

There are many things I haven’t done yet. I haven’t kissed a banana slug, like my youngest son Simon. (And yes, there was a “reason”.) I haven’t leapt off a cliff into a river like my eldest, Gil. I haven’t eaten an entire Costco chicken alfredo pasta (serves 4-6) in one sitting like my middle child, Tim. Those were opportunities that happened to present themselves and my boys took to them with enthusiasm. And hopefully learned something about themselves in the process. (Like how much your stomach hurts after eating so much pasta.)

A bucket list, however, is less serendipity and more quest, crafted specifically to enhance, challenge or just finally do something you’ve long hoped to do. If you’re like me, unless you actually spend some time making the list and then making it happen, you just wind up spending another year of evenings on the couch watching House Hunters International. Which doesn’t qualify as going out and seeking adventure yourself.

Sometimes, it doesn’t work out, at least maybe the first (or even the second) time, like my bucket list item to join a book club. But then other times, you get rewarded with a beautiful experience and a wonderful memory.

Like going dog-sledding, another item Mavis checked off her list. Like driving across Texas, which we did earlier this year. Like all the other hundreds of bucket-listable ideas you can Google.

Or like zip-lining across a valley in the mountains with friends. But that’s another story.